RTDM: JJ Carolan
JJ Carolan
Life + Leadership Coach to Disruptors + Changemakers
Navesink, NJ
We want to get to know you! Where you came from, where you've been and how you're living your dream?
I'm a quitter. Whenever something has made me unhappy - from dance classes as a little girl, to romantic relationships, to a PhD program or a career... when something no longer serves my highest self, I let it go. In my former career, I was a Board Certified Behavior Analyst and had the privilege of working with hundreds of awesome kids + adults with Autism Spectrum Disorders. But when I had my first kiddo, the long hours, nights + weekends, and the huge heart + soul I put into the families I worked with started to become a drain. I didn't have the time I desired to be with my own family. I spiraled into a post natal depression and couldn't see my way to "quitting" because we were used to my income, too. I ended up in the psychiatric emergency room. I used to think it was the stress of "trying to do it all," but looking back, I think the psychiatric break was from spending 90% of my time out of alignment with my vision. Today, we have TWO beautiful children, because we committed to our values as a couple, and as individuals. I'm so grateful for my business and everything it allows me to do - spend 90% of my time aligned with who I Am and what I want to do with my one "wild and precious life".
How do you define success?
To me, success is having the time + financial freedom to make the choices in your life that let you die with no regrets. Whether that's having the freedom to work from your back patio or from a camel in Morocco, whether it's having abundant time to be the parent you want to be, or whether it's skyrocketing a corporate ladder. Success is have the freedom to make choices that let you be fully who you are.
What did it take to make your dream happen and how do you make it sustainable?
People often perceive making a dream come true as a huge, Jerry McGuire style leap out of the fire. Ours looked different. First of all, I knew no dream was worth it if my husband and I didn't share the dream. We started out by talking about how we wanted to live our days together. We talked about our shared + individual values. We didn't know exactly "how"... but we knew when opportunities came up, we could say "YES" or "NO" because the values were clear. When it came to starting my coaching practice, the dream wasn't the coaching practice. It was the time + money freedom to be home with my kids. I focused more on WHY I wanted the business than the business itself. I also didn't get hooked into any "have to" messaging about starting a business. I didn't have a niche or anything like that. I lead with passion. If I wanted to create a course, I created a course. If I never ran it again, who cared? I did mom coaching, creativity coaching, leadership coaching, mindset coaching - I just said YES to everything that would get me that time home with my kids. I also followed my own creativity and passions to create money and clients. If I was into teaching and mentoring about inner critics, I did it. Then I let it go if I didn't want to do it again. Finally, my health. Without my physical, mental, and emotional health, I'd have to rely on a job for my well-being. Running a business takes stamina, innovation, + creativity. My health comes first. I am always on the quest for tweaking my health to optimize my success.
What are you most proud of? Go ahead, boast a little!
I'm so proud that when I was 41 years old, I started martial arts with NO athletic experience, terrified, and having NO idea what I was in for... but I did it anyway. I'm even more proud that I kept going back - even when I felt like I didn't belong or that I wasn't like the other folks there; even when I was like "WTF am I DOING here?", even when I was bruised or bleeding or hurt... I kept going back. 2 years later, I still train 4 times a week at an amazing dojo that focuses on reality martial arts + self defense for every man + woman.
What was your biggest obstacle/fear and what was your turning point?
I've always had a lot of "bravado" - the ability to keep going after what I want even in the face of fear. I've always been a person who eats fear for breakfast. I feel it, but I just keep going. My biggest obstacle in going after what I want had always been "time". I have two young kids, + I used to work over 60 hours a week. Even when I left my day job, I managed to fill all that free time with "doing". Recently, I learned to dial into the idea of doing JUST ONE THING. That's been a HUGE turning point in channeling my passion + creativity into something that actually happens. It's created ease + space for all the rest of things in life that matter to me. I love my work, so it's really easy for me to get over fear. I'm addicted to my "job" and my clients. If I get fearful, it doesn't last long. However, a couple years ago my family got involved in prosecuting a stalker (there's more to that, but I don't want to trigger anyone reading this). Feeling unable to protect my kids was a real, visceral fear that made me live out my time like a Navy Seal. No fence high enough, no dog big enough, no alarm loud enough would quell it. It was worse than living through 9/11 in NYC. I was falling completely apart. We had just bought our dream home, and I was ready to move again. It turned around when a friend of mine recommended me to Bryce Kennedy. He is a Feng Shui master, Inner Space Technique practitioner, and extremely intuitive and healing human. He came to my house for an entire day and healed the property, and in subsequent sessions helped me tap into the power that overcomes fear. The whole court case ended up being the catalyst I needed to truly step into my full Truth + Power. I think when have paralyzing fear, we try to muscle through alone. There are so many healers, helpers, therapists, coaches, specialists and other amazing caring people who can help us through fear. Find them.
What’s the best advice you’d give to a younger you?
Don't let go of your talents. As I got involved in my career, I stopped doing photography and playing the piano and writing. I stopped investing in lessons or supplies to do my hobbies + talents. Today, I really could have been great at some of those things. I'm picking up piano again, but I can barely read music. I would have told my younger self that those passions + talents are what make life worth it!
How do you stay motivated and purposeful when you feel overwhelmed?
I. Take. A. Break. I am the biggest fan of prescribing "3 Days Off" to my clients - and I follow that as well. Overwhelm is fear. It's trying to stuff a 25 pound goose into a condom because we think getting it all done will protect us from something. I've found that walking away from everything for 3 days is soooo hard when you have a big "to do" list - but it results in focus, prioritization, and creativity. Taking a break reminds me that I'm here in life to be with my kids, enjoy the sunshine, kick stuff at the dojo, date my husband... not to work or to "do". When I step back and do more of what makes life living, I can easily tap back into how my work is part of that, rather than a "to do" list. It always helps me to remember what I want to flash through my head on the day I die. Sitting at a laptop, checking things off? Or sitting on the dock with my 3 year old, marveling at the baby egret family that came to roost? #NoBrainer
Tell us a time when a perceived failure was actually a blessing in disguise or served you in a surprising way.
Getting fired from various positions has always been amazing. I never worry about where money will come from - I know we have the power to create it, if we're willing to do the work. Sometimes I got stuck in career positions where I felt "indispensable". I knew I didn't want to do the work anymore, but I felt like leaving would be a disservice. I *always* ended up getting kicked out of those boxes and the next vision always opened up to me after that. Finally, in my own business(es), I have learned now to burn bridges and pull down businesses + services that I've evolved past. So much better than firing myself!
What is your favorite vice/guilty pleasure/strange habit? Come on now, we all have them!
Gin. Gin is my vice. I am my best self as a vegan, straight-edge non-drinker. But oh.... gin. Gin + tattoos. Thankfully, I usually spend my money on my kids or I'd have a lot of regrettable tattoos.
What's the smartest investment you’ve made for yourself?
Every month I pay almost $200 to train at Saifa Self-Defense and Martial Arts School. I spend about 8-10 hours a week there. I never question that investment. It makes me a better mother, wife, and human. It's transformed me inside + out. It's really the investment of the time, not the money, that can be hard to stay committed to. Time is so precious, so sometimes it is hard to walk away from putting the girls to bed 3 nights a week. But the second I hit the mat, I know why I'm there. It's the domino that makes the rest of life fall into place. In my business, the best investment I made was hiring excellent copywriters early on, before I learned how to do it myself. I learned from excellent writers who really nail a sale in a heart-centered way. Without that skill and those writers, I never would have taken off.
What’s MOST important to you right now?
My family. My kids, my brother + sister's family, my nieces + nephews, all of 'em. I can't get enough of them all.
Share 1-2 books that have impacted you the most:
Tama Kieves' This Time I Dance. Every person looking to escape from a traditional route, especially in work, might want to grab this as a best best best friend on your journey. The poem that has impacted me the most is Mary Oliver's "The Summer's Day". The moment I read it, something changed in me forever. I never, ever have settled again for a "less than" situation in my own one wild + precious life. Same for my kids, and my husband. We've all adopted it as our anthem.
What have you learned to say no to?
MYSELF! I am the WORST at keeping my own boundaries. I'm super creative and a big thinker, so I'm ALWAYS inventing new projects to do for my business. I've learned to say NO to appointments, projects, ideas, creative bursts that aren't in service of the one thing I've chosen to work on. I've learned to say NO to people who want me to do their stuff for free, too. I used to spend a LOT of time "honoring a value of customer service" in my business, but now I realize I was people pleasing. I created a bunch o' blogs and videos to answer the questions people most commonly ask me, and now I can just direct folks to a helpful resource instead of hemorrhaging my time. I've learned to say NO walls, too. I've had a huge thing about keeping people at an arm's distance, even though I'm very friendly and gregarious. This last year for me has been a study in true connection + intimacy. I'm saying NO to keeping people out. IT'S SO HARD. I <3 my fight or flight protective mechanisms!
What's something surprising about you?
I go to bed at 9:30. People assume I am a huge night owl but I like to be asleep by 10. Also, people are surprised that my real name is Jennifer. Sometimes I am surprised by that, too!
List the Risk Taker Dream Maker(s) that inspired you!
I really love Kelsey Abbott. She's an iPEC coach and founder of Find Your Awesome , I also love Radiah Rhodes, a fellow iPEC coach and founder of Evok Life Design. We went through iPEC together and I so admire how she persists and grows!
Follow JJ
www.thecoachsplayground.com
www.facebook.com/groups/thecoachsplayground
