RTDM: Kaycee Odom
Kaycee Culp Odom
Chief Courage Cultivator @ Iteration Guidance, Support and Insight for Change
Bali, Indonesia
We want to get to know you! Briefly tell us about yourself: Where you came from, where you've been and how you're living your dream?
I am from Charlotte, NC – from a southern town and a southern family who adhered to all the southern protocols of behavior. I saw many of the adults around me (especially the women) honoring these protocols more than their own needs and values, and this, along with experiences in my young adult life, convinced me of the need to live courageously and with a commitment to being authentic and honest in my life. My course has taken me from young therapist/social worker to divorced single mom, to transitioning my skills into corporate sales, and finally to selling everything I own and moving to Indonesia to start a new chapter of my life! I learned a new culture, a new language, how to ride a scooter, and how to trust my ability to be flexible and confident in an ever-changing lifestyle! In the midst of that, I checked off an item on my bucket list by starting my own business. I now provide on-line therapeutic coaching for people throughout the world.
How do you define success?
One of my cornerstone mantras is “May I be a better person at sunset than I was when it first rose”. It has taken a shift in paradigm over years (and the wisdom of age helps too!) but I aspire to no longer rely on external qualifiers to determine my joy or self-love. I try to be intentional, kind, courageous, and character-driven in each day. If I do this, I have had a successful day, and a string of successful days makes for a successful life!
What did it take to make your dream happen and when did you know you had arrived?
Such a great question! I have always been a planner. . . having a 5, 10, and 30 year plan for my life. But it does not take too many life-gut-punches to realize that these expectation boxes create more anxiety than direction. My punches included divorce, raising a son, and changing careers. Through these, I had a mantra of one day “slinging margaritas in a tiki hut in central or south America”. Each challenge in my life enhanced my courage as I took an emotional risks and lived to tell about it! My dream became more and more concrete and once my son was through college, I realized that emigrating was my next big emotional hurdle. Yes – it took 5 years of diligent planning and LOTS of ‘courage cocktails’, but one day I found that I had quit my job and was on a plane to Bali. How the lower Americas became Bali is a story for another time, but it was a gift of nature that I am here! I didn’t know I had arrived until I realized one day I had a set of friends, the skills to speak and travel with confidence, and a life that made me smile every day!
What are you most proud of? Go ahead, boast a little!
I am proud of my continuous determination throughout my life. I am also proud each time that I feel dread or a visceral reaction to a daunting task, and I do that task anyway. Developing my skill of “why not” and “can do” over my tendency of “but what if . . .“, created a lot of accomplishments in my life, including singing with symphonies, completing century cycling events and triathlons, and ultimately starting my own business. And the willingness to give up financial stability and ‘stuff’ feels like a big accomplishment because it goes so against the grain of the American existence.
What was your biggest obstacle/fear and what was your turning point?
Oh so many fears over life!! I think my earliest fear of ‘being worthy’ developed my discipline. But it got in the way when my doing became more important than my being. Changing careers from therapeutic work to corporate sales was terrifying and a game changer because it taught me to trust myself to be competent when up against the unknown. My turning point was when my son’s moved into adulthood, and my fear became, “if not now. . . when?”. I was motivated by the fear of living a safe life, and then looking back with regret. I still ask myself this question often in order to continue to live outside the safety lines! Now my biggest fears are cobras and scooter accidents!
What’s the best advice you’d give to a younger you?
Don’t waste your time criticizing yourself and wondering what others think of you! Use that time to develop your confidence and emotional courage. Cuz trust me honey, when you are old and see those pictures of the young you, you will realize how beautiful and lovely you were (and are right now)!
How do you stay motivated and purposeful when you feel overwhelmed?
I love mantras, lists, and book-marking: 1) For every unhealthy, emotional tendency you have, create a simple mantra. Then use this often and always so that it whispers in your ear and stops the mental spin. 2) Create a list (my phone notepad is loaded!!), organize topics, and keep it with you or in a designated space. Don't get caught up in the big picture, but rather the small steps you need to keep moving forward. 3) Once you know what you must do, ‘book-mark” the feelings so that you can honor them later, set your feelings aside, and go to your logical self to get the drudgery done! But don’t stuff your feelings and worries. Give yourself sacred moments of being fully present with your feelings and even inner demons. Just don’t let them rule your existence. Bali has taught me how to live more in the gray area of life. This helps too.
Tell us a time when a perceived failure was actually a blessing in disguise or served you in a surprising way.
Being a single mom felt like an overwhelming task with the impossibility of a happy ending. I worried about what I could NOT give my son (we had little money), I worried about the conflict between his two parents, and I always wondered if he would look back with sadness on his childhood. But my mantra was, “A year from now I will be so proud of myself” and I tried to live each day to make my “future self” proud. Now my son is a recent graduate of Columbia Law School, working in Manhattan, and living a life that is thoughtful and honest to his values. He often shares with me things he learned from me that I didn’t even realize I had taught him, and he has yet to tell me that my parenting has sent him to therapy! The anxiety of those years pushed my threshold for discomfort, which in turn increased my confidence and willingness to take emotional risks. . . and ultimately equipped me with the emotional skills I needed to make my emigration possible!
What is your favorite vice/guilty pleasure/strange habit? Come on now, we all have them!
Oh, there is not enough room!! As a musician, I am a big old wierdo anyway – but the oddest may be: (1) After a long hard day – I love to lean over a plate and eat with my hands (it’s the country girl in me!) and this has served me well in Indo! (2) During particularly stressful days in the states I would pull into a good card store (I knew all the best in my town) and read the funny cards while laughing out loud – belly rolling laughs – to the concern and eye-rolling of the staff and customers around me. . . but I figured it was better to laugh out loud than to cuss someone out! (3) Now I binge watch old sitcoms while belly laughing (there aren't card shops here).
What's the smartest investment you’ve made for yourself?
There are so many investments I wish I had made and didn’t (I am still working on my financial risk aversion) – rental property, and managing my own stock portfolio - among them. My investment in continuous learning has served me well in oh-so-many-ways. I am not referring to coursework as much as I am to taking the time to learn those things you think about and then don’t do - a language, dancing, an organizational system, motorcycle riding. . . . And of course, the investment of travel!
What’s MOST important to you right now?
Living everyday with intention and calm. I still have plans and goals, and I want every day to be productive. But I made a conscious decision to remove myself from the consumerist and aggressive values that I felt in my homeland, and I am committed to NOT falling back into fretting, rushing, ruminating, and pushing my way through life. I have embraced my wise, competent, effective veteran self and do not want to let her go!
Share 1-2 books you've given as gifts:
Wild Swans by Jung Chang & Getting the Love You Want by Harville Hendrix
What have you learned to say no to?
1) The southern way of guessing what the other person wants and then acting in a way that is not truthful to who I am or what I need. 2) Being the primary Giver in a relationship. Meeting new people in Bali, I am committed to working on only balanced friendships. 3) I am still working on saying NO to ice cream and wine!
What's something most people would never guess about you?
I am an introvert! Actually, I am pretty balanced, but I certainly need my alone, quiet time to replenish after periods of being social.
Who is a Risk Taker Dream Maker that's inspired you?
Tonya Mathis Maddox
Follow Kaycee:
www.KcOdom.com
WA (What's App): +62 812 4692 3262
www.CourageCocktails.com
